I know to you, it’s probably not all that important.
In a lot of ways, it shouldn’t be.
But for some reason, to me it is.
This right now is my way of letting go of something.
Something I haven’t really told you about-
Something that’ll only concern you if I let it-
And you shouldn’t worry. I won’t let it.
The fact is, it’s nothing you’ve done.
It’s all my problem.
It actually won’t matter if I don’t let it.
And you shouldn’t worry. I won’t let it.
It’s not really real.
It can’t be.
And it’s not good, for anyone.
It’s just a feeling.
It’s a feeling that dominates my brain and makes life just a measure too uncomfortable.
It’s persistent, like a mantra.
Your laugh, your thoughts, your dreams, your smile, your body, your soul…
It’s painful, like a parasite.
It clings to me, twists in me.
It eats at me, burrowing under my skin and spawning more of its kind.
The flaw in you-
The virtue in you-
The puzzle of you-
The beauty of you-
The truth of you-
and I catch a glimpse of God in you.
It’s insistent, like a heartbeat, or a migraine.
It’s a stupid cycle.
And I don’t want it, so I’ll get rid of it.
Either I’ll work it out from under my skin like a guinea worm, or bury it so deep I’ll forget it existed.
It might be easier than I think.
It’ll be gone if I let it.
And you shouldn’t worry.
I’ll let it.
Human Bean 